reset

This is what I worried would happen.

When I left IBM around a month ago, I worried that without a job I would go out more, drink all the time, and get nothing accomplished.

Ok, what I worried would happen did not happen. But something else that I didn't worry about happening, happened.

I've spent a lot of time cleaning my place and getting it setup so that I can rent it. I've rearranged stuff, donated stuff to good will, and painted a bunch of walls -- the painting occurring mostly today and yesterday. I also went out at night with friends, which has been mostly fun. Pretty much everything I do is in one of those categories: working on stuff by myself and going to bar/lounge/etc with friends.

So what happened is that every conversation that I've had for the past couple of weeks -- maybe longer! -- has been accompanied by alcohol.

I didn't realize that until this weekend. On two occasions I was talking with people, and just felt -- uncomfortable. Almost like I was sketched out, my mind going all over the place and just feeling -- off. One of them got better when I got a glass of wine.

And really, the last good conversation I had without alcohol was with Chris, and I recall drinking about 6 cups of coffee. So that doesn't make me feel any better.

It makes me wonder if this is how people become alcoholics. Always needing a drink to be socially competent, leading to needing a drink to get out of the house, leading to needing a drink to get out of bed. Now, I'm not nearly that far -- spent most of the day painting without drinking anything, and went for a bike ride -- but it's already bad enough as it is.

So -- no more alcohol for me, at least for a little bit, at least a week. I don't think I need to quit drinking, but cutting down will be good.

Also going to start writing in the blog again. In general I haven't tried to edit anything I write after it's typed -- not sure if that's a good thing; any thoughts? My reason in the past has been that there's too much background to catch up with, but I need to realize that the blog is for ME, and if people don't know the background -- well, heh whatever. I'll write a "previously, on the ME show" entry soon.

BTW Nykee, you said that painting was therapeutic, to which I responded that I didn't need it. Well: Nykee +1. Shawn 0. Especially when listening to Erykah Badu and Just Jack. Cool stuff.