Fight!

Well, today I had a shouting match with Turay. I was trying to figure out what SDI should be doing -- right now it is an organization without a mission, or rather with such a broad mission that it has no mission. Then he went into the kitchen where I saw he was cooking plain white rice. Again. So my food today was some boiled plantains, 2 oranges that I bought myself, and some plain white rice. And less than an hour ago I was calculating how much food I should have and realized that he is screwing me over. Here are my calculations:

10 weeks in Cameroon project fee (includes room, board, admin, etc.): $1020USD
per week: $102
in CFA: 51,000 (at CFA500 = $1)
Room in Bomoka: CFA4,000/wk
Food: 2,000/day = 14,000
Remaining: CFA33,000/wk.
Let's take 40% for administrative overhead, which is insane, but still:
left with: CFA19,800/wk.

So I'm looking at this and seeing I should be able to spend CFA20,000 per week, which is only $40 but enough for me to get work done with. And I should have CFA2,000 a day -- for only me -- to eat. Actually from the price list I was previously provided, I should be able to eat lunch and dinner each in a restaurant for CFA1000. So with plain white rice for dinner twice in a row, I was mad. Especially since I have to conserve my money and can't afford a 1/2 litre $1 beer until he can pay me.

So I start raising my voice and complaining, like I have before, that my money has been spent improperly. And also that I have been deceived on this whole thing. I suppose part of the fault is mine -- I haven't checked out this place as much as I should have. But I came here believing what I saw in the annual report and the flyer, which said there were 6 programs underway, including a computer lab where people were being trained, and a staff of around 5. When I come here there is one person, no projects being run, and no computer lab -- well, one old computer, plus of course the laptop that I brought. Which btw cannot currently be paid for. I think justified.

Then I started arguing that I don't see what the purpose of SDI is. SDI is a business like any other, and that there needs to be a market for what it is providing -- in this case, some social benefits. There are a number of other NGOs that are successfully providing social benefits, and SDI is not doing anything other than sucking money and not providing anything.

If you could guess, this did not go over very well, and he started yelling at me. I need to go and talk to those other NGOs, and this is not like America, where if you open a small organization all the other organizations help you out until you're big enough to stand on your own. I don't know what America he's talking about, but whatever. And I need to talk to those organizations and see how they started -- would I have told them to shut down? Then he told me I hurt his feelings.

Anyway, I guess what we settled on was that starting next week I would start working on the projects which they had already started and actually have some specific funding that needs to be used for that purpose. There are two projects: 1) get birth certificates for some orphans that don't have them, and 2) provide some food/education/whatever for some women that have been identified. Not too exciting, but at least I will provide some good while I'm here. The microcredit idea that I mentioned briefly before I believe is already in practice here in Buea, so there probably isn't a lot I could do there, but who knows -- I'll probably still talk to them and see how things are working.

Ugh. I think Turay has a girlfriend here now. She just walked in and introduced herself -- her name is Constance. Ugh, I so wish I wasn't here now. Ugh, I said ugh 3 -- no, 4 times. I'm starting to think this whole adventure was a bad idea. I guess what I need is to concentrate one what my goals are: 1) getting enough knowledge and perspective so that I can write a good statement of purpose for grad school, and 2) helping people. With lack of funds I can only do so much for the latter, but for the former I think it has clarified my thoughts a bit -- I'll try to write a blog later on that so you all can provide some comments.

Oh, I did have another view of the whole Turay / SDI situation. If I look at it from his point of view, helping SDI is the same as helping the people of the community. So while I see the money he spent on the rent and paperwork and new phones and blinds and kitchen utensils and beds and a portable safe (?) as OVERHEAD, he sees it all as an INVESTMENT. I suppose that world view all makes sense for the naive person that Turay seems to be.

Too bad it doesn't help me. I asked Turay if he could give me just a teeny tiny bit of cash to hold me over until the end of the month when there will be more available, and he said there isn't any. None. Asking how we would eat, he said I shouldn't worry and we will eat. Do you think I should be comforted? I know he's lying -- there's no way he would spend lots of money, and then all of a sudden there is nothing, but what can I do?

Though to me honest, I think I'll be ok if I concentrate on my own goals and not concentrate so much on actually making a difference. It's pretty sad that I think that I could have made a difference if only I had picked the right organization, but I don't know what to do. When I was first discussing with Turay about SDI and asked if I could get my money back if I found it wouldn't work (minus administrative fees), he said of course. Since the money has already been spent, I don't think that's an option. I then can't afford to go anywhere else, but at least my stuff is secure -- Turay at least is not a thief -- so it could be worse.

But Turay is not good to talk with, and there are no other volunteers. There is one Cameroonian named Ofe that works with another organization called Help Out which does human rights -- I've had a couple beers with him, and he's a good guy. But that's about it over here. I think I need a volunteer support group.

This weekend I was thinking of going to Limbe, but I was persuaded out of it by Ofe and Turay because they think it's dangerous for me to go there by myself. So I guess I'll hang out here -- I wish I either had the place to myself, or lived with someone I felt like socializing with. Living in the same building with the guy who, IMHO, spent all of my money and now has nothing but rice and plaintains for me to eat, frankly sucks.